An Idiot, an Interstellar Cabal, and the Ultimate Nicotine Hit

Upon visiting a peep show, lowlife Grease McDougall finds himself drugged, kidnapped, and held hostage by a belligerent cockroach representing a mysterious cabal called D.I.V.I.N.E.

excerpt from ‘Drag’

Draped across cold shoulders, a leopard-skin coat itches for banishment. Leather boots strut for the gravy of a good lick, heels pointed for the vanquish of manhood. Painted with a catalogue of hassle, detached furrows of concealer subvert cheapness, embrace madness. No ordinary gentleman can fathom the mystical cathedral of woman; the pain she must endure to acquiesce to his desire. Still, the lippy broad is worth Grease cricking his neck for, the booth position far too angular for a straight-neck tug.

Curves embellish behind a dull light.

“Hey, Hullabaloo! I hate that window! Move to a booth in the centre!”

Grease moves to a booth in the centre.

Pondering the lack of intimacy, Grease brainstorms the inherent issue with his original booth option. Hullabaloo? What in heck is a Hullabaloo? He presses a stinkeye to the glass and inhales a midday plume. No clocks in here, no vents, nothin’. Just the spilt seed of lowdown grifters, all paranoid this and monitor board that. The very term induces a sweat. The Monitor Board: where men dress committee-assembled, see-yourself shine on uppity foreheads. Where dial-tone personalities act as shorthand for condemnation. And Grease, that day he pled for divinity, he was sold a rat’s asshole for a wedding ring.

Wound up, spun ‘round, cuffed up, strung out, Grease flops a dead arm to striking position and grapples with his zip. He’s fifty lifetimes away. Fifty lifetimes of a man, a nurturing upbringing, privileged education, textbook work ethic and a loving family. Two girls, one boy, an adoring wife. She’s a natural mother and cooks his favourite meal on Thursdays. The television remains off and children guide the dinner conversation. Take dog for walk, sleep pretty, wake happy. These values exist, but not to him. And fifty lifetimes go by, and the fantasy is broken by an ominous voice lurking beneath a cloak of unrelenting jungle drums.

*due for release in 2025